When the waves are flooding the shore, and i cant find my way home anymore.

Hai, march holidays ended last week. I was just too lazy to post anything, plus my mood isnt much stable yet. But i'm gonna be a happy girl.

Thanks geo challenge peeps for doing th video, and sorry for not helping in any way. ): I didnt had free time or energy. This week took a huge deal from me, wasnt able to cope with it. Oh ya, normal lessons went on. And i realised i became super lazy this year. Have to find time to study SERIOUSLY soon!

First day of school, i cried. Parents was called to school to meet teachers, and i just teared there and then. Now, i'm totally watched 24hours luh, curfew curfew curfew! Every adult is a twoface bitch. FML

I'm damm pissed over this. I SERIOUSLY DONT GET TH FUCKING PROBLEM WITH THEM, WAT DID I DO WRONG? ONE SMALL MISTAKE OVERLOOK MY ENTIRE SUCCESS FOR MY 14 YEAR OLD LIFE. PARENTS NEVER SEEM TO BE PROUD OF YOU, THEY CAN ONLY SEE TH MISTAKES YOU MAKE BUT NOT TH ACHIEVEMENTS YOU ACHIEVE. WERE YOU ALL PROUD OF ME WHEN I BECAME TH HEAD PREFECT OF TH SCHOOL, CAPTAIN OF NETBALL TEAM, LEADER OF SCHOOL CHOIR? I REPRESENT TH SCHOOL GO COMPETITION AND GOT HIGHEST IN SCHOOL FOR GEPGRAPHY, WERE THEY PROUD OF ME? NO, NEVER.

THEY DONT UNDERSTAND A SINGLE SHIT OF MY LIFE. TEACHERS TELL ME TO TALK TO THEM? I TALK EQUALS TO ME BEING RUDE AS THEY THINK I'M TALKING BACK. SERIOUSLY LUH, NO POINT TALKING, TH CONVERSATION GETS NO WHERE. THEY ONLY WANT THINGS IN THEIR WAY. THEY'LL NEVER KNOW WAT I'M GOING THRU. THEY DIDNT EVEN KNOW I HAD A BACK PROBLEM, HAD BEEN THRU TERAPY IN KK HOSPITAL, MEDICAL FEE CAME FROM MY POCKET. WAT PARENTS WERE THEM? THEY KEEP SAY THEY'RE NICE, DID THEY ACTUALLY DONE ANYTHING FOR ME? NO, NOTHING.

THEY LIVE IN TH PAST. THEY TOLD MY FT TAT CCA HAS NO POINT. STUDIES MORE IMPORTANT. WELL, GOOD NEWS FOR DOLLY ONG, YOU FOUND A FRIEND, MY DAD. HE SUCKS TOTALLY. HE'S TELLING TAT HE WANT ME QUIT BBALL SO TAT I CAN COME HOME AFTER SCHOOL DIRECTLY EVERYDAY. HE THINK HE BIG IS IT, COMPLAIN COMPLAIN CONPLAIN. NOW STRESS IS BUILING UP AND THEY WANT ME TO DO SPECIALLY WELL? NOT POSSIBLE. MY DAD TOLD ME TAT HE WANTS AT LEAST ONE CHILD OF HIS TO GO INTO UNIVERSITY. BOTH MY SISTERS DONT WANT, SO I HAD NO CHOICE TO GO. I DONT WANNA GO, YET I CANT DECIDE COZ I'M TH YOUNGEST. UNFAIR, EVERYTHING'S UNFAIR. IF MY SISTERS ARE HOME ALEADY, I CANT GO OUT. I CANT BE OUT LATER THAN THEM. WHY? I'M MUTURE ENOUGH TO WORK OUTSIDE DURING HOLIDAYS. MY SISTERS SPEND THEIRS AT HOME COLLECTING MONEY FROM UE. I'M INDEPENDENT, I'M DIFFERENT OKAY.

I HAVE NO FREEDOM NOW, STRESS IS ALL I GOT. THEY EXPECT ME TO DO WELL WHEN THEY DEPRIVE AND TAKE AWAY WHAT I LOVE. I'M NOT GOD, I NEED REST, I NEED LEISURE TIME. I HAVE INTEREST, I KNOW WAT I'M DOING. WHY CANT UE ALL JUST TRUST ME, LET ME EXPLAIN WAT I REALLY WANT? ITS MY LIFE, LET ME DECIDE.

FUCK MY DAMM LIFE, OH ITS NO LONGER MINE ANYMORE.
Anyway, was told by coach tat i'm suspended from cca. I'm kindda depressed coz of this, but i'll jiayou in my studies. Tat's th only way i can go back to th team. But hor, mrchoo say i wouldnt have to come for training til midyears are over, means i have 3 more months to wait. WALAO

Won th match on wednesday. Having another match this coming wednesday too. JIAYOU DEAREST TEAM, SORRY I CANT COME NOWADAYS! ):

Had camp on friday and saturday. I have no mood now to talk, i havent do any homework. I'm tired, real real real real real tired. I will go bang a car on th road when i get too desperate to escape one day. No joke.

Havent post sheila birthday's pics, another time ba.

Oh ya, happy belated birthday eddie, ryancheng, mchong!
Enjoy life while ue can, be happy always.
Love ya guys.

I'm tired, i havent do homework. I have no mood for school, just gonna pretend i'm fine. LIKE ALWAYS.

But its getting harder and harder.

Life's just too bittersweet, bai.

Yours faithfully, Hm.
♥

I just held it in,

Hai people, march holidays are here and i have another fugly wound on my leg. Okay, its not only one, its four ._. kns. But i'm alright! Just tat bathing tat time damm damm pain.

Anyway, these few days were all go out go out and go out! :D Went out with bballers and coach on sunday. Ran 5km at pasir ris park, and cycled more than 20km from east coast! :D Tat's when i fell, but i had a great time. Took a few pictures but lazy to post all. -O- haha.

Whitesands -> Pasir ris park -> Whitesands -> East coast park -> Changi beach -> East coast park -> Bedok -> Sengkang -> Changi airport -> Home.

We tried flying kite at sengkang but cannot fly up. LOL. Went starbucks and mac at changi before heading home. I AM GONNA GET FAT! D:

Went out with valerie, melanie and debbie on monday, after training. But i havent gotten th pics, shall talk more when th pics are here. But melanie was damm talllllll with her heels! <: envy.

Went to celebrate jasmine's birthday on tuesday! :D all day long. HAD FUNNNNNNN! <3 but shall elaborate another time with th pics.

Had training and headed to amk hub with debbie, lingen, xiaoting and sheila on wednesday. Ate subway, shopped and went arcade. I BROUGHT MY BROWN BELT! :D yayness.

My phone keep dropping nowadays luh. ): and i wanna buy a new camera, got to start saving money now. jiayou! I;m sick of homework, left 12 more. SIANz.

Okay, i'm running late, have to go bathe. Heading out to meet junliang they all soon. I'll update again someday. Bai honeys.

Yours faithfully, Hm.
♥

I wanted you to show me what i mean,

Hey peeps! Those were photos from th movie treat with vinita, jingling, olivia, le'en and debbie they all. C: FUN DAY.

There are still some pics in jingling's phone. :D

Anyway, these few days were all geography challenge work work work! Didnt attend training, kindda sad. ): But we finished recording th song! <: Hah, jiayou.

Oh ya, i have 9 detentions! But asked mrchong help me reduce to 4. And mslin cut my hair! Then my fringe damm short. D: My stitches are fine now, luckily.

I never go school today, sick. Going see doctor soon.

Bye readers! Update again soon, i am not excited for march holidays.

Yours faithfully, Hm.
♥

Fragile,

I am fragile, i am hurt now. I feel horrible. I think i'm over sensitive, i think i cant express myself properly.

I think i am unreasonable, too too unreasonable, i think i'm too demanding.

It hurts me a lot now, i'm sorry tat i've hurt ue too.

I love you, oh so too much. What can i do? I'm just not good in this.

Sorry baby for me moodswings. And not understanding tat ue are tired.

Sorry.

And after all those things we've been through,

Its 4am now and i'm awake. I'm breaking down again, soon. I really cant hold on anymore, everything just blasted right at my face this few weeks. I failed 5 subjects, and merely passing the others by a few marks. My homework isnt catching up and i dont understand a single shit in class. I need help but i've got no time. There's geography challenge which expects me to be present everyday.

And i ran right into a damm wall and got a cut on my forehead. Blood was everywhere, now there's a fugly scar and bandage. Parents aint giving me a break at all, i have a new and earlier curfew. They collaborated with th school to keep an eye on me 24 hours. I cant make it on time and i'll be cabbing home everyday. Now, i'm short of money so i'm skipping recess.

Havent been attending training because there's tat geo challenge and coach is letting me off this week as i'm injured. Joining back soon as draws for nationals will be out soon, and i know trainings are gonna get tougher. I am already struggling with my back, which pain keeps repeatedly comes back. It hurts a lot.

I'm afraid i cant cope, i dont think i can. Why does everything have to hit me straight onto my face this year? I really dont wan anything bad to happen. I wanna run away, sorry i'm th kind of person who'll just escape when a problem comes.

Its because i'm afraid, and i'm lonely.
And i've developed something else, now i hate those nights when th full moon come and i'm alone.

Colbie Caillat's I Never Told You
I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

Sorry baby for this moody post, i had fun today though.
HAPPY 4 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY!
I LOVE YOU OH SO MUCH!
Post a dedication tmr? <3

Xiaoting, i'll upload th pictures soon. I'm v tired.

Bye readers, i tired, of sleeping.
I stared at this page, and now it's 4.30am. fml, i wanna runaway.

Yours faithfully, Hm.
♥

This time baby i'll be bulletproof,

Hai lovers.

Firstly, i should sms her just now at twelve, but i forgot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HU LINGEN!♥






































Thanks for always being there for me, accompanying me, listening to my crap, solving my problems, giving me advice, cheering me up and taking care of me these few years. :D Love having you as a friend, thank god for letting me meet such a person lyk ue. Memories spent tgt will always be treasured. <:

One year older luh, so must grow up and stop being childish and retarded! O: Bless ue with all luck, and hope ue can achieve watever ue set ur mind to. Love you always! <3

And dont worry, me, you and debbie wouldnt leave each other, no matter wat. I know ue CANNOT live without us wor. :D hah.

Anyway, today was a fun fun fun day with 9people {D,V,J,L,O,J,E,B,M} :D
Compass -> 313 -> Cineleisure -> Hereen -> Ion -> Wheelock -> Tpy -> Sengkang -> Yck -> Amk -> Home

Went to compass meet jingling first, then vinita, olivia and le'en came too!
We waited for debbie as she slowly came, went to somerset for shopping. Then met th boys and headed to cineleisure for movie! :D Thanks for treating us wor.
After tat, stalked these 3 guys and helped them give flyers! Zzz, damm funneh. C:
Then shop shop shop shop, camwhore v little, took taxi home.
SUPER FUN day, will post some pics soon. :B

I am tired already, and i havent study for chengyu test. ): Jiayou, have to do research on geo challenge 2010 too! WE MADE IT TO SEMI FINALS LUH! :D lucky.
haha, maybe gonna sleep soon, lazy do anything /:

And and and, i miss baby all of a sudden.
But baby sleeping now, HOW HOW HOW? ): sian.

Bai readers, upload soon! And i realised talking to berlin is great. :D LOL.

Yours faithfully, Hm.
♥