Hello i woke up at 3.30pm today.
Got nothing to do, so i went down to sit by the pool, with just my laptop, and my phone. My wireless is amazing, i could still connect to the internet there. Sat there and listened to the sound of the pool. I've fallen in love with the condo's clubhouse area recently. Wasted 4 hours there, and counting because i havent left. No life shit huh. zzz This is gonna be a long reflective post because i got nothing to do.
Yeah, i got to think about how this year passed by so fast. I'm gonna be sec4 next year, my last year in zhonghua. I suddenly understood how the seniors are feeling, rushing against time to study but at the same time, wanting things to slow down so that they could catch their breath and spend more time with friends. Yes i'm gonna miss many people so badly when i graduate. And i'm scared of exams, really really afraid of olevels. I'm not confident, i'm fearful about how i have to work so so hard to study, and memorize so many stuff. I'm not sure whether i can manage the stress or resist those temptations to rest and play. I'm also not sure where i'm headed to. Ever since sec 1, i wanted to be a crime scene detective or doctor, got motivated by those csi and police shows. That sense of accomplishment when you solve a case, or bring back justice to a family. And that pride when you cure a patient or found a cure for a disease. I like that feeling, but this career seem pretty hard and risky. Oh well, i'll just wait and see.
I thought of how happy i was before june holidays. But yet at the same time, guilty of cheating my parents. I really regretted so many things i've done this year, letting countless people down. I've always been the type that sets high expectations for myself, but this year, i lost myself, literally. I forgot all the values i have held on to ever since young. Lying and cheating, yes i'm not proud of it. But its over, so i've got to move on and forgive myself. Even if its mad hard but i have to try.
I could still remember my sec1 and 2 life. The first day of school, me sticking to yuxuan so closely, because she was the only person i knew in class. Then we met yaole, the first new friend i met. The sec1 orientation camp was a very fruitful one. I still remembered my first impression of ryan. Yuxuan said he looked like zhonghui, actually not really. By the first semister, i got pretty close with the class. I remembered working so hard for chinese new year decorations, literature fiesta etc, and succeeding too. I was quite unreasonable back then, bossing the class to meet deadlines, i'm really really sorry. I remembered one of the biggest fight was with ryan, i cried and yaole cheered me up. I'm sorry i was being such a jerk. I remember being close with joanne, chungkei, vinita, jasmine, yunwei, huixuan and belinda. And even foriming a season clique with dawn, yaole and sweetin. I remembered the last project we did together was the cip project where we sewed keychains. I rememebered everyone asking julia and shannon to teach us, because they're just simply amazing. And jingling, who always calls me her lizard. And weixin, having the same birthday as me! Yeah 1e6 and 2e6 was awesome.
I guess not many people knew why i came to zhonghua, it wasnt my first or second choice. I didnt even knew this school existed, no offence. I was accepted into quite a few girl's school throught netball dsa, i could go into sports school too. But me and zhonghui wanted to go into the same school together, yeah we were together, quite in love. He rejected his swimming dsa to acsi because of us. But in the end, we still fell apart. Yeah i felt guilty of ruining his swimming career just like this, but luckily he managed to get into acsi during sec2 although he wasted one year. Oh well, we're still friends.
I regretted entering zhonghua at first. I wanted to continue my netball career because i was kinda good at it. And being the school's head prefect, i got a leading advantage. Oh ya, i was the school's worst head prefect because of being in relationship and skipping many duties, guilty. Anyway, i didnt really wanted to go into zhonghua because netball wasnt one of their ccas. And i had a tough time deciding over shooting and bball. And i choose bball because it was similar to netball. Because of basketball, my life changed a lot a lot but there wasnt a single regret.
I became close with xiaoting, the first bballer i knew. Because we were in the same class, and always headed to trainings together. Pairing up for training drials and stuff, oh man i love it. I made it to the school team during sec1, even though i was the worst player in it. I was too attached to netball and couldnt change my ways. Yeah i'm always too attached to something or someone, being unable to forget and move on. Anyway, i got close with germaine. I remember sticking to each other when we were in the team. And having heart to heart talks, or sitting in the bus together and listening to music. We sort of understand each other, and encouraged each other in bball. She's a great captain, we adore her retarded aunty-ness! Hehe. I became close to debbie and lingen too. Seriously, if i havent met them, my life would be totally boring. If i lost these two friendships, it would be a torture. I'm serious, they mean a lot to me. And i even got to know melanie, the first angmo i knew. And also many many adorable seniors. I rememeber sheena, always worrying about my injuries, yes i'm kinda clumpsy. And that time when my back had a serious injury, sheena always kept an eye on me during trainings. Whenever i made a painful expression or rub my back with my palms, sheena would ask me whether it hurts. I was kinda touched, really appreciate her care and concern. And wanhua, always making fun of me, and ganging with me to bully xiaoting. During lesson time, whenever we saw each other, she would try to trip me. And valerie, who was there to give me advice on relationship problems, and leading the team, and being such an awesome captain! And sheila, who works in koi too. When we knew we were colleages, we talked about stuff that happens in koi, and other people who worked in koi too, like two mad women. And she's always kinda retarded to make me laugh so hard. And sue an, the one who will always laugh at my lame jokes, who will always have the same mindset as me, who always like to flip her hair and slap me with it, and then i'll do the same back to her. And huien, being the team's kai xin guo, who was always making the team laugh, and teaching me science whenever i asked her. And many many other seniors, both in baskeball and those who are not, good luck for your exams alright! :)
I met many lovely juniors too! Shiying, being the closest junior with me. Helping me in relationship problems, and i'll always give her my advice. Accompanying me when i was bored or down, i remember we sat in the train for 2 hours, travelling to and fro the cirle line, because we wanted to talk. Yeah it was kinda dumb but i appreciate it. And audrey, who would lend me a listening ear when i needed it. Who talks to me about her problems too, and we would always find ways to cheer coach up together. I remember me calling her powderful because she always scored 3pointers. And that date we went on together from school to tampines to woodlands and finally home. Talking in the bus and library. Sorry that my dad had to ruin it, and sorry he scolded you, i feel bad. And other juniors like rebakah and jinyi who would always ask me to cheer up and take care. And keandra who would spam me with her retardedness, and having the same jersey number as me! And evonne who would cheeeeeer me up and talk to me on facebook, appreciate your concern a lot a lot.
I never regretted joining basketball, or zhonghua. Okay stop, its 9pm already, my dad is asking me to head up now. I'll continue another day, its nice thinking about stuff and pening them down in a blog. Oh damm it, my mood went crashing down already. Hais i want to go out tmr.