Hi feeling pissed again.
HAIS FEEL SUPER FUCKED UP, sorry for being vulgur, i'm just like that when my mood isnt right.
Woke up early in the morning, though i slept like 4am last night. Yes i was thinking about the stuff i blogged in my previous post. HAIS my life's been pretty screwed this few days, make me feel superduper sad. I mean being rather alone, getting scolded etc etc. Sucky
Went to meet the sec2s at 12, started my morning training plans and did even more. Left the place at 1.50 to bathe and meet ber at school's bus stop. Then met dongyi for his kite, thank youuuu! And sorry we made you wait like 50mins :O Went valuedollar shop and ntuc to buy tibits and sushi. Train to marina barrage and picnic there. Though it rained abit, we still flew our kite after the rain stopped. It was fun running around like siaozharborrrrr. Love taking pictures, especially jumpshots! Pictures will be up soooon i hope.
Then heard the bad news from the girls, and my moooood went crashing down. Ber, its not your fault, i made the decision myself de.
HAIS, cabbed back cause i really wanted to go home early, to lie on my bed and think stuff through...
Called mrchoo and he talked to me for about half an hour! He told me to call coach, but he's rejecting my phonecalls and not replying my smses. HOW HOW HOW, mrchoo says they're making the decision tmr. FUCK SHIT, I'M SCARED. :( I mean, yeah i admit i shouldnt have missed training, but that was my first time not attending training during this holiday you know! Its just fucking unfair, i think. I missed out on one training and i'm out. Are you kidding me? Some of the girls missed quite a few trainings yet they dont get punishment like mine. WHY IS THE TREATMENT SO DIFFERENT??? I feel like crying.
You might not notice, but basketball means a lot to me, especially so this few months. I grew a passion for it. I wrote in my standby notes, basketball studies basketball studies basketball studies, instead of my emo lyrics, cause i wanna be focussed on my priorities. I missed out on just one training, and all i've put in this entire holiday is gone! Its unfair unfair unfair! I FEEL LIKE BANGING AGAINST THE FUCKING WALL NOW. Coach is ignoring me.
对于这样的态度，我是彻底的失望，绝望，甚至放弃！
If you think that basketball team is not important to you. So i dont have to treat you as important to the team too! And you just break the trust between us.
Exact words on fb, it hurts like shit. It feels like i've disappointed him a lot this time, its the 2nd time this year. I lie, also get into trouble. I say the exact truth, i'm also in deep shit. SUCKS
Just talked to xiaoting on the phone. And my beloved audrey too, for one entire hour! Thanks guys. Oh ya, thanks those who ask me to cheer me, on facebook, on twitter, on smses. I'll try, its hard though.
Would i get kicked out? I think so, cause coach really wanna put jinyi into the main twelve, she put in the same efforts as me. But she didnt let coach down, coach let her down. She might replace me i guess.
I'm always easily replaced ba...
Maybe you guys are happy i'm out of the team, mei you ren scold you le. Happy? Its just fucking unfair why ni men ke yi skip so many trainings and get into no trouble. But i skipped one, and i'm out of the team.
Coach knew ni men sometimes give excuses, but he doesnt care. But me, i said the truth, i made effort to come in the morning. But still nothing? Zzz.
Coach is online but i'm afraid to talk to him after what he posted. Nvm la, maybe you girls are better off without me. My efforts are never enough, i mean, got talent, skip training also can la. I dont give a shit about what you gonna say about me, being guailan during trainings, scolding you all in my blog, whatever whatever. Its my blog, dont come here jiu wont see what i write le what. I'm not gonna try and regain friendships, its mad tiring. I'm not gonna explain myself anymore. Nobody ever gives me a fucking chance to explain, even if they really misunderstood me. Coach is not giving me any chance, i bet the decision making would be done before i can explain myself.
Zzz i'm pissed off now, at myself mostly. You wouldnt know the feeling when everything seems like its been taken away from you. First, love then friends, then when i wanna concentrate on basketball and studies, i'm out of the team. What's next? I fail my olevel chinese ahhh? ARGHHHH.
I dont think i can sleep tonight, i havent eat my dinner yet too. My mood is fucking low, and i'm crying my shit eyes out. ARGHHH need somebody to talk to, audrey's sleeping already. :( FML, seriously. I hate people who dont cherish their life, but its hard to not hate life when everything seems so screwed. FUCK EVERYTHING LA I NEED TO LET OUT WHATEVER IS IN ME NOW.
I'm gonna soak myself in cold ice water, stay up all night thinking about countless countless of stuff. Gonna run around my house area tmr and not rest, gonna tire myself, gonna go play basketball, throw million of hoops until i twist my ankle or something. Make my back hurt like fuck, then i'll go for some checkup and realise my bone has problems. Make myself fucking sore, then i wouldnt think about anything, feel no pain. ARGHHHHHHHH
I realised how tired i am, how weak i am.