I'm kinda tired for no reason, and i'm suppose to be finishing up on my homework. But my mind seems to be preoccupied with pointless things that i kept thinking over and over again. Yeah, i'm losing focus in studying. But talking to ryan is somewhat making me reflect more about life, okay people may think its crap but there's just something more than what i'm living now. Okay nvm, idk what i'm talking about.
I was revising a teeny weeny bit of my chinese just now, and i caught my calender sitting by the lonely edge of my table. I looked through and booooom, i realised how time flies, and how little time i have left to prepare for EOY. And before i know it, its next year already, and then, the big O LEVEL. I feel that i'm suppose to be mugging seriously now to not disappoint many people. Okay set, i'm gonna make plans before the clock strikes twelve, the beginning of a new term.
Week 1: Get back in shape with bballers, and prepare for coach's birthday.
Week 2: Finish up all overdued assignments.
Week 3: Start my revision, and i mean serious mugging everyday after school. And advance papers.
Week 4: MORE REVISION.
Week 5: Main papers.
Okay, i just realised how i cannot concentrate when it comes to studying, but i can do other stuff like blogging and facebook, even if i'm tired. Its just a mindset i guess.
And, i gave up, really really giving up already. I'm not gonna do anything to regain our friendship, since you hate me now i guess. I'm starting to get on your nerves huh? Annoying right? And the more i do, the more you'll hate me. So i should listen to ber and seal off all contact with you. But your words stings badly.
"I mean, what is wrong with you"
"I dont wanna see you"
But we got some misunderstandings, really, but you wouldnt hear me out anymore. Nvm, i would just have one more stranger in my life, not even a hi from me anymore. Other than when we coincidently play ball together, but its just for 3 more days, then its exam. So i hope i wouldnt get in your way. Her birthday is coming, and i know you will do something magical for her, because you're sweet and thoughtful. I know you bought her a gift, and it just so happens to be the same thing you bought for me, just that mine's a H. Did you do that on purpose, for me to see? For me to give up, for me to forget you? Well, it did hurt a lot. I'm not trying to make you appear like the bad guy here, because i was the one who did not appreciate you and your kindness. I deserve what i had coming for me, but i dont have a double personality for goodness sake. Its just a self protecting way to fit the environment that is constantly changing, with friends leaving and new friends coming. With people that say and do stuff that's not within your control. To have emotions that is very complicated, and to think too much and so so many stuff.
Nvm, have a great life, god bless. Tell me when you want me back in your life.
I cant believe i can always write so much when it comes to you, and back space and rewrite over and over again. My heart feels so empty now. I may seem happy with so many friends. But perhaps its just another one of my act, because i'm such a good faker, such a good deceptor, procastinating again huh. Ryan's words hit me again, my facebook has so many siblings, but if i were to think twice who really knew me well. I guess one or two only, to be precise.
OKAY I'M SO DEAD, TEST AND HOMEWORK DUED TMR. I should not be doing a self reflection and thinking bout so many things at a time like this. Okay 12.30am i got to go study and get to bed soon, bb.