HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY elaine jie! <3
many many loves dear sweetie♥
stay preetaye always.
okay.
th following will be damm moody.
so ignore please.
thanks for understanding.
fucking hell.
having a premonition!
worried bout my eldest sister.
she totally hates this family.
and in her diary,
which i dug out frm her room.
she calls my mum a witch.
wth.
i wan tell her something to cheer her up.
but i dont knw wat.
and i hardly do tat anyway.
sian.
hope she doesnt do anything stupid.
but actually i agree to many things she wrote.
shitty ass.
my family is breaking apart.
and i cant do anything.
D:
and i found out i dont have many true friends.
only a few ppl.
not many notice me while i was invisible.
i would have nothing to say/do
if i dont have that bunch of ppl.
without a few ppl,
i would be completely alone.
so thank you.
♥
but i seem to be drifting away.
while everyone is in a crowd of friends.
nobody talks to me much.
and i'm disgusted by myself.
i'm always finding ppl to talk to.
finding a topic to start.
when lyk only half of wat i say is real.
and if i dont do tat,
i would say up to less than 10 sentences a day.
fucking.
i shall not talk to anyone 2moro.
unless they talk to me first.
i shall not start being tat fake self of mine.
i shall experiment.
i would find myself a loner.
):
rotting at home already.
and school isnt tat much fun anymre.
th truth really hurts.
i see ppl crying over small matters.
i would be thinking tat i have BIGGER probs.
family.
friends.
relationships.
basketball.
school.
results.
expectations.
stress.
health.
and much much mre.
and they dont find me crying in public right?
how many times have they used th word i instead of they?
if they could think of other ppl,
it would be a much better use of time.
and i guess i think of others too much.
hence my sensitive self.
they should just brave up then.
since their probs are not tat life threatening.
brave up.
which i tried and failed half way.
D:
i'm only fourteen.
so dont throw this heavy load on me.
where have my happy childhood gone to?
i cant remember th last true smile i had.
even winning basketball south zone top 4 wasnt a real smile.
if ue knw th reasons luh.
and apparently only three ppl knw.
cant i just be normal.
daddy should just give up all his company shares.
i wan a simple life with all my love ones.
tat innocent plain life before was enough.
and maybe you dont agree.
but i'm mre mature in thoughts than other fellow teenagers.
and this me is wat i hate.
sorry but i cant open up okay.
anyway,
apparently no one cares anymre.
2moro is gonna be another day to pass.
where i have to put on tat mask once mre.
i cant stand it anymre.
i'm seriously tired.
seriously seriously sick of life.
damm pissed off.
i need to cry out.
ppl say having emotions are bad.
well, feeling nothing is worst okay.
fuck off.
i dont wan something mre
just different.
D:
and i knw basketball trainings are gonna be a downhill.
i need tat primary school self.
tat confident.
mature.
fun.
carefree.
successful in everything.
be it results.
love.
family.
friends.
teachers.
expectations.
or all kinds of CCA.
tat happy huiming.
not th fake huiming now.
shitty ass.
i wan a time machine.
D:
arghh.
go night swimming ba?
i guess only sleep and swimming can clear my mind now.
post again soon?
♥